Friday, November 10th, marked my third wedding anniversary and unlike most ladies – I usually forget the date. Not because it wasn’t among the most memorable or important in my life, but largely because I don’t wait for one specific day to celebrate my love or my union. Over the past three years I have grown and experienced some of life’s best moments, alongside some rough ones. Allow me to take a moment talk about what I’ve learned and where I want to go from here.
When I thought of marriage as a younger woman, I didn’t know what it would entail totally. I just knew that if I ever did get married I wanted it to be forever and I wanted to be happy. Most people in my circle and those around me, talked about marriage like a curse or something that you did because it was the “natural” thing to do. I didn’t feel the joy in their conversation and save for a few couples; I thought many of them would be better off without one another. As the child of divorced parents I didn’t experience marriage in my home firsthand. I knew divorce though, and I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. There are a few things I’ve done that believe will keep me and my husband from that path.
It may sound strange but I created a mission statement for my marriage. Though it isn’t something I say daily, it is always in the back of my mind. That mission statement was this: I want my marriage to be a blessing to all who encounter it. My reasoning behind that was simply, I didn’t want my marriage to only be for me. I wanted my union to show people that you can be joyously wed in this day and age when people seem to not value relationships as much. That’s a win for me. It also keeps me mindful of how I operate in my marriage – being honest and real because I’m holding myself accountable. Giving my marriage an intention beyond just us makes its success that much more important.
Choose To Love Daily
The “marriage is hard work” trope is heard endlessly. To be frank I agree it can be, but I also don’t think it has to be. By choosing everyday to love my husband regardless of what the day brings, I’m deciding to be there. I’m deciding that no matter what mood may arise for either of us, what mess may be around, I am still going to love. Love for me isn’t always frilly and it doesn’t mean that you won’t disagree, what it means is that even in the midst of the less than lovely times — we’re still in it for the long haul. Viewing love as an action rather than a noun, forces me to make it work rather than it just being a thing. Act on your love, work your love like a muscle. The more you use it the easier it will be to operate.
Stay On The Same Page
For those folks who are familiar with the Bible, you have heard, “be on one accord”. And whether you’re a believer or not, it’s good advice. How can you live with someone pleasantly, daily, for the rest of your days if you cannot come to a consensus? Short answer: you can’t. My husband and I talk often about what we want out of our lives together. We discuss the dreams and goals we have for ourselves and that is one way we’re able to be sure that our roads are continuing to align. There inevitably may be sometimes where things get off course, yet if you can always come back to the same place you’re destined to work it out.
Of the five years my husband and I have been together and the three we’ve been married, I’d say we’ve endured our share of trials. But nothing has steered us from the journey we’ve chosen to be on. I wouldn’t say my marriage is challenging because I don’t want to process difficulty onto my life nor do I want to put a cloud of hardship over us. But I will tell you that it is a selfless choice. Being selfless is where I believe people find the stress in marriage. Most of us want to have things our way but marriage isn’t always meant for that. Some times you will have to concede. You will have to compromise. But if the compromise and concession goes both ways, then all will be well.
What is some of the best advice you’ve received as a married person or from married person? Let’s all help one another succeed together!