Sexy, a word and concept I’ve often struggled with. The phrase, “you’re sexy,” has left me confused and clawing to figure out how to respond one too many times. In its most basic form it simply means someone deems you attractive enough to want to bump uglies with, but when you start to unpack it, as I often do, the reason that hearing the compliment makes me uncomfortable becomes more clear. It took years for me to recognize and appreciate my beauty. I’m comfortable now with saying, “yes I feel beautiful but sexy? Ummm? I don’t know about that.” Sexiness is inevitably easier to accept when you see yourself that way. And in my thirties I’m all about owning who I am – even the sexy part I don’t yet see. Here’s why.
Sexy in my mind was always reserved for the waify among us. Those who are just curvy enough or the gals overtly oozing sex as they saunter across Instagram feeds. Sure like most women, I’ve compared myself to others whose shapes are different than mine in a myriad of ways. I’ve definitely gazed at Rihanna and thought, “damnit! If only I looked like that.” But the reality is I don’t, and I likely won’t, ever. The thing is though – it’s okay. As women we spend dedicate countless hours dividing ourselves into a list of pros and cons ready to convince someone why we’re worth it. Always thinking we’re too much of one thing and not enough of another. Without a doubt this comes from the bombardment of perfected visuals we endure on a daily basis of everyone’s glow up process. It can all be entirely overwhelming.
But here’s the tea. The way to assuage all of your fears of sexy. Everyone has it, the outfit that gives an extra boost in their step. The dress that sways with their hips and the pants that hug in all the right places. In those moments as you gaze back at the you in the mirror, you feel it. Sexy. The challenge is trying to recreate that feeling with everything on every day. While that’s probably a stretch, I want to get to the place where I can see that daily. So that’s why I’ve been focusing on curating a closet full of pieces that always make me feel my best.
I definitely think in 2004 that off the shoulder tops would be the thing to help me along in this discovery, but sure enough here we are. There’s something about the femininity of sunkissed shoulders and a lightly highlights clavicle that radiate sexy. It’s the feel that you’re seeing what’s typically covered up without giving too much. I’m also finding that high-waisted pants are my best friend. With a hips and a medium sized bum wearing this style pant helps to accentuate my curves. Why have I been dedicating my life to mid and low rise jeans for the past decade?!
Wearing: tuxedo pants (old) – Zara // off the shoulder blouse (similar) – ASOS \\ purse – vintage Chanel // sunnies – Le Specs \\ Bracelet – Wanderlust & Co. // Mules (similar) – Steve Madden
If you’re like me and doing your best to own your sexy rather than run from it, I suggest nailing down your signature style. Figure out what items in your closet make you feel like a star and get rid of anything that doesn’t. Because how we feel about us is how we teach the world to treat us. Being sexy is about exuding a confidence that says, “Yes, I’m beautiful and thanks for noticing.”